I’m just sitting here and I’m really just in awe. In awe of God mainly. It’s crazy how the toughest times in our life can produce so much goodness in away. Well I suppose growth would be the better word to use.

Sometimes I like to think I’m very open about my life and most people know I went through a break up not too long ago. Over 2 and half years spent together and I honestly thought I would be completely broken. Don’t get me wrong, I was torn up and I still hurt now but I’m not broken.

In this season I’ve been really able to find my identity in Christ. I’ve been able to really push more into God and form a much deeper relationship with him.

Now, I was in this relationship, completely happy but it was lacking the Godly aspect. We were unequally yoked as some would put it. I was fine with this or at least I thought I was. God revealed to me a little bit prior to the break up, “ Are you sure you want this ” I knew it instantly in my heart that I was always going to want more from him but wouldn’t get it. It wasn’t going to be fair to him If i kept trying to convince him to pursue God when it was clearly something he didn’t believe. It wasn’t fair to me either and he stated that to me.

While in this relationship, I would still go to church, bible studies and pursue God. I didn’t think I let my relationship stop me from anything with God. It did though, in little ways. I can see how I’m MORE on fire for God now than ever before. I wonder if I was holding back because I was thinking maybe God didn’t bless this?

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, when you’re really obedient to God and his word he’s going to show up like never before. I see so many things changing. I see how God is using me to reach other people. To plant seeds I didn’t think I could plant. To build relationships I didn’t think would form. Yes my heart still aches and I miss things but I’m slowly healing. God is restoring and renewing my mind daily. Sometimes I feel I’m under fire but I’m reminded to still stand. I’m learning to be obedient even if I don’t like the outcome. Even if things don’t ever get restored. I’m trusting God, I’m choosing to be obedient.

A friend of mine reminded me of a verse in the Bible.

Hebrews 5: 7 During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. 8. Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered 9. and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him.

She said We think Jesus life was easy, but he too, had to learn obedience. The way God helped him to become obedient to The Word was through suffering.

It reminded her of me of my situation. Although suffering hurts, through it, I can become obedient like Jesus did. And the reward will be worth it. Just as God rewarded Christ.

Like a caterpillar shedding its skin to turn into a butterfly.

Not easy. Super painful but, the result is worth it 🐛🦋

Have you had any reflections lately?

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