He’s Always Been..

I had to have a heart check with myself the other night. A friend of mine once said these are very necessary to have and I couldn’t agree more especially during this season. So honest moment here, covid has been one of the biggest challenges for me. Quarantine wasn’t too kind to me or my mental health. All I got out of it was a big helping of depression, the feeling of emptiness, questioning my worth and if I was enough. Did this happen to anyone else? My faith was tested and I stopped praying and honestly I felt like God wasn’t even there. I went back to places I didn’t think I could go. I let the enemy attack my mind, my body and my spirit. It took me awhile but I had to realized that during all of this that if I just wanted God he was there all along. He never left my side even when I walked away. Let’s face it, he’s always been. I can say that I want peace, that I want change but I have to REALLY want it. That’s the difference. See God wants victory for us, peace, restoration in our minds, body and our spirit. The question is, do you? I think a lot of times we feel we’re so unclean why would God even want us but he’ll always make us new, new in him. I felt all of that and it hit me really hard. In that moment I started to cry and I had to really ask myself, do I really want to be free from where I am stuck because who the son sets free is free indeed. I wanted God, I needed God more than anything. Let’s be honest, I can’t do it on my own. I tried and I have failed plenty of times. I needed to remember all that God says I am and not who the enemy tries to convince me I am. The enemy will always come to deceive. Truth will always destroy deception though. The enemy is done taking up space where he doesn’t belong. I needed a reminder that I can always come home to the fathers arms and If this is you as well and you’re dealing with this, remember this.. it’s okay! Know that God has always been our healer, redeemer again and again. Everything we’ve needed, he’s always been🙌🏽

So let the light in, keep it shining, Let it break into the darkness. All the love dares us to see that we’ll all be free✨

I know it’s been along time since I wrote anything for this blog and honestly I almost gave up on the idea of one. I almost forgot how therapeutic and beneficial this could be. God reminded how good this could be to get things out and to share my trials and victories so that others would know that they’re not alone and could be brave and share their stories as well.


Until next time, Ash✨

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